The Future

Right now I'm sitting at the library having just looked over my potential grad schools once again. Wednesday I will email all the departments for additional info pertinent to me, but first I will ask one of my teachers for advice on what kind of questions to ask. I was talking to my parents the other day about graduating and grad plans and I most have been getting into unnecessary detail over it because my Dad chimed in, "Lara that's a year from now, you could be married by then"...I wouldn't bet money on that Dad. I think my dad may have figured out that paying for me to get married would be cheaper than paying my way through grad school. Grad school (and if I get an MA I might as well get a Ph.D, right?) costs thousands of dollars, and my wedding plans are basically give me a wedding dress and a Temple date and we're set (unless my mom has anything to say about it). We cannot predict the future but I have two or three really good reasons why more likely then not my college diploma will bear the same one that's on my high school one. First, I'm not dating anyone. In fact my last relationship ended not too long ago and I average at least six months between relationships (not on purpose mind you). Second, it's very hard for me to find men who I am compatible with, and dating Derrick didn't make it any easier. Before I met him I thought I was too unique of a personality to ever find someone who was all the things I was looking for. I figured my path to the Temple would mean finding a nice guy, someone I felt comfortable with, who liked me, and we'd have a few things in common--enough to make a relationship work at least. But then I met Derrick, and everything changed. I met him in the parking lot of my complex. We had two mutual friends (Bingley and Don) who were both his roommates. Don was getting married and we both were hitching a ride with Bing to the reception. At the time I had no plans for dating, just that day I had turned in an application for a summer internship. I had already been dissappointed by 3 guys that semester and after the third made the hasty decision to go home for the summer. Derrick had just gotten off his mission and this was his first semester at school--you can guess what his ideas on dates were. Well, while standing in the recieving line to see the bride and groom, Derrick asks me out on a date. I said yes, but I was certainly taken back by this--I had only met him 15 minutes before. I get really nervous and uncomfortable when guys I hardly know or am not interested in ask me on dates. After giving my regards to the newly wedded couple, I braced myself to sit with Derrick at a table and get to know him better. Shortly into our conversation, my trepidation melted away into excitement. Derrick was just the type of guy I went for and I knew then that there was going to be more than just a friendly first date. I never looked back after that, and the more I got to know him the more smitten I became. Derrick was everything I had ever wanted and never thought I'd find. He was kind and charitable, innocent, a little socially awkward at times but it was adorable, he enjoyed the arts and the sciences, doing things rather than sitting around watching tv and movies, laughed at my jokes, had a strong testimony and didn't make me feel weird and dowdy for being so molly mormon. Unfortunately the timing just wasn't right, after a month of feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, things ended, but it was right that they did, we both have things we need to experience. But he's the reason why it could take some time for me to find that right person, because he's set a pretty high bar. I don't know if our paths will cross again, we're just friends for now. The future is so much a mystery. Will I get into grad school? Will I find a job? Will I stay faithful? Who will I marry? For many of my friends, some these questions have been answered, but not for me. I am now living passed the plans I made when I was 15, I didn't plan anything past a mission at 21... and I didn't even do that. One thing I do know is that the Lord has a plan for me and I can wonder but I don't have to worry, everything will work out. I know some day I'll meet someone who will blow Derrick out of the water, until then I am determined to never settle again. Until then England is my man , as that is where I plan to go for grad school. I've been listening a lot to Devotionals about students and deciding for the future, and even commencement addresses--they get me excited and dispell my fears. Often in life, the plan we should take is the one we fear most. We can be assured of this because fear is of the devil, the Lord will warn us and assure us, but the devil will make us doubt, make us scared, because he knows where we need to be and what will make us happy. Do not doubt once that peaceful assurance has been given, trust in God and be bouyed up by your faith.

Now I wonder...